I forgot how bitter I can be. I’ve been happy for a while – being with my girlfriend, doing the school and work thing. Now it seems I may be alone again in the very near future. I’m panicking, more than I thought.
Maybe things are okay, and this is just a lesson to teach me to appreciate things more. Or perhaps I’m on the precipice of Singledom again. And although it’s what I thought I wanted, maybe I was wrong.
Or maybe I’m just panicking because I haven’t had a big change in a while. I got into this thing so smoothly, so easily. There is no way I’d get out of it the same way.
I don’t know how to calm my nerves, until it becomes clear what is going to happen. And goddammit, Pandora – quit playing Alice in Chain’s “Over Now.” You’re not helping.
I’ll pay my debt sometime.
deep breath. again. repeat as necessary.
as my mother would say, the only thing that stays the same is everything changes.
but my favorite is “this too shall pass”
if it hadn’t been a smooth and easy start you wouldn’t have done it. you had so many other difficult accomplishments at the time and before and since that you needed something to be simpler. and make you feel good and on the right path, which worked beautifully. and you have grown and matured and been happier than you were or probably would have been.
perhaps now that other things are in line (so-to speak) you can handle this being more troublesome.
calm yourself by remembering how awesome you are. and that you always manage to come out of things in one piece. resilient. and driven. and successful, even if only measured in teaspoons instead of pounds. ;) you are special and you are loved. MWAH!
PS you yourself said you needn’t worry till there is due cause. and since you have an idea of what the result is or will be you might as well leave it alone till what happens happens and deal with the result.