In Another Life

Author’s note(s): 1) This is for an assignment for my English [creative writing] class. It’s a dialogue between two people. Come to think of it…I don’t have the assignment in front of me, but I think the characters are supposed to interact with their environment. These two characters do, only to a small extent. I suppose I should make them interact more; 2) I am trying a new Cormac McCarthy-esque style of dialogue writing – no quotation marks. I’m toying around with the idea of using italics for one or the other character’s words. Not sure. Here it is, as is; and 3) This is a real conversation between my now ex-girlfriend and me. We broke up on Friday. It sucks. Big time. I am so unhappy, but it was the right thing to do. Although I can honestly say I think we will be friends some day. We are texting a bit here and there, miss each other terribly, and have pretty much decided that we are going to be cool by Memorial Day so we can go to P-Town [Provincetown, MA] together with our friends.

Any feedback on the form is appreciated – especially from my English-majoring/journalist/writer friends [Justin, Hannah, C, Cort, CBW]. The other 3 of you are invited to comment, too :)

Anyway. Here it is.

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In Another Life

She sat on the arm of the couch to my right.
You don’t mind if I have a cigarette, do you?
Why would I mind?
Well, I know you don’t like it, so I just wanted to check with you.
Do whatever you want.
I took a sip of beer.
I don’t wanna do whatever I want. I want to do what you want me to do.
But I don’t care.
Just tell me what to do.
Well, I’m not going to tell you what to do. Do whatever you want.
Are you mad at me?
No, I just don’t care what you do.
But almost everything I do, I think about you, and what you would want.
Sure doesn’t seem like it.
What? What do you mean?
I sat silently, gathering my words correctly.
C’mon. Just tell me.
I mean…about the drinking.
I know I said I was gonna quit, but I thought about it a lot and I don’t think I have a problem so I don’t think it’s a big deal if I have a few drinks on a Friday. I mean, I’m not getting shitfaced all week. I still go to work and I’m responsible. I just don’t think it’s a big deal.
Alright then. Do whatever you want.
Why do you keep saying that?
Because it really doesn’t matter what I tell you to do or not do. You’re just gonna do whatever you want anyway.
What are you saying?
I told you I wasn’t gonna be around you when you drink anymore. And you said you were gonna quit. And you’re drinking right now. So obviously it doesn’t matter what I think at all – you’re just gonna do what you want. So smoke, drink, do whatever. It doesn’t matter what I think.
Yes, it does matter what you think!
No, it obviously doesn’t! Or you would have quit!
I stood up and walked across the room.
Look, I already told you. I made a deal with myself that if I acted like that again, I was gonna end things. And I don’t want to do that, so I’m not gonna let myself get like that again.
And I’m supposed to just wait around and see if you do or don’t?
No, I want you to trust me.
I stood silently, gathering my words correctly.
Well…I don’t think I can trust you.
I just don’t think it’s a big deal!
Okay. Whatever. I’m gonna go upstairs and put my sweatpants on.
Are you serious?
Yes. I don’t feel good.
Okay…
I walked out of the room and went upstairs. I pulled gray pants out of my bag and changed clothes. She came up a few minutes later. I sat on the edge of the bed. She walked in.
I just want you to see where I’m coming from.
I do see where you’re coming from. I really do. I think you don’t understand where I’m coming from.
I just want you to trust me. It hurts me that you don’t. And I made myself that promise and I’m not going to let it happen again, or we’re done.
I lay back on the bed and covered my face with my hands.
I think you’d rather be at your mom’s right now. I don’t think you want to be here.
Why do you say that?
She walked out of the room.
I knew it was over.
I was unsure what to do next. I could leave. It was getting late, and was another hour and a half to Connecticut. I could stay, and just sweep it all under the rug, and end it in the morning. Ending it now would make it a difficult night’s sleep.
She walked back in a few minutes later.
Hey, are you mad at me?
Why would I be mad?
I just don’t want you to be mad.
I’m fine.
Do you wanna watch TV?
Yeah.
She sat on the bed beside me, and put her arms around me. We fumbled with the three different remotes until the television came on. I picked a show on Comedy Central, Demetri Martin. I watched and giggled.
This guy’s a fucking tool.
I think he’s funny.
Girls probably think he’s hot and wanna fuck him but he’s got ugly hair and he’s a stupid piece of shit. Sarah Silverman is better.
Okay, then change it.
No, whatever. We’ll just watch this.
But you apparently hate it. So change it.
I put the remote on her lap. She put it back on mine.
No, I don’t care. We can watch this.
I picked up the remote and changed the channel to Food Network. Alton Brown’s show.
Ugh, this guy sucks.
But you liked him when we watched that show a couple months ago.
Whatever.
Okay, fine. Pick whatever you want.
We can put it back to Comedy Central.
No, you hated it.
I was just joking.
Well, I don’t wanna watch it anymore.
Why?
You ruined it, I thought.
It’s cool. Watch whatever you want.
I closed my eyes.
Are you sleeping?
I’m resting. What’s up?
I just wanna talk to you.
What about?
I dunno. I just want you to be cute like you usually are.
Okay…well, we were just talking a lot earlier and things were weird, so I was hoping we could just lie here and chill and watch TV and be quiet.
I just wanna talk to you for a little while, but you don’t wanna talk to me.
No, it’s not that. I just need to chill out for a bit.
Can you just talk to me?
About what?
Just tell me what’s going on.
I lay on the bed quietly, gathering my words correctly.
Just tell me. You don’t love me anymore, do you?
I do love you. It’s just…things have…changed.
Since when?
The last week or so.
Yeah, I know this week was weird. I was pushing you away because I thought you were being weird.
I know.
Is it about the drinking thing?
Well, that didn’t help.
Because if that’s what caused this, I’ll never forgive myself. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. Shit.
It’s not your fault. You were great. You were so great to me.
You only thought you loved me because I’m so nice.
No. All the things I said were real.
Halloween was, like, the best memory I ever had.
I know. Me too. It was real. I promise.
We both started to cry. I put my head on her shoulder, my arm across her stomach. Tears rolled off my cheeks, and she wiped them away.
Shit. Who’s gonna take you to the airport?
I dunno. I guess I’ll just call a cab.
Ugh, dammit. What about P-Town? I already paid the deposit on the condo.
I dunno. You can take someone else.
But I only wanted to go with you.
Well, maybe you’ll be dating someone else by then.
I’m not gonna be dating anyone for a long time. I don’t want anyone but you. And even if I’m messing around with someone, I don’t wanna spend all that money on them. I only wanna go with you.
Well, maybe we can be friends by then.
Maybe. How long were you gonna wait to tell me all this?
Another week or so. I really wanted things to work out. I did. I just knew something was wrong. And I waited because I didn’t want it to be true. I didn’t. I really, really didn’t. But there was just something wrong. And I’m so sorry. I hate that I hurt you.
I’m not gonna stop loving you. Just know that.
She sighed.
Maybe in another life, she said.
Yeah. Maybe.