Currently.

Stuff I Like Right Now:

• this chicken parmesan sub
• apple cider [fermented and not]
• first dates…
• …with an awesome dude*
• plans for a second date with an awesome dude
• Food Network [specifically Paula Deen & Alton Brown]
• watching Food Network and eating a chicken parmesan sub, while not writing this 10-page paper that is due at midnight
• blogging about watching Food Network, eating a chicken parmesan sub, and the aforementioned procrastination
• the funny little Albanian delivery man who brought me my delicious chicken parmesan sub, and who flirted with me in Italian**
• “hipster” glasses [on people other than me...namely an awesome dude]
• an awesome dude

* So there — I mentioned you in my blog. Four times. How do you feel about that?

** Obviously by describing someone as “funny” and “little,” they are not anyone I would ever be interested in as anything other than a conveyor of food products, but still respect nonetheless for his delivery abilities. In a former career, I delivered sandwiches. So I get it: The bringing of the food. The driving of the car. The grimacing at the minuscule tips. The flirting with the customers, bending over in your shorty-shorts. The desire to punch all six of the guys in the office that time after they left you a 50 cent tip, yet had the nerve to ask your number. My number?! It’s 911. Douchebags.

Empty Fridge.

I never thought I’d be the kind of person who lets her refrigerator’s contents disappear until there was nothing left but cheese and condiments. But apparently, I am. There is literally nothing of substance in my fridge, which is usually the powerhouse of my kitchen: ranch dressing [two kinds, both almost empty], a couple sticks of butter, salsa, half a bottle of margarita mix, a jar of chocolate fudge sauce [I use it for crepes], green curry paste, soy sauce, maple syrup, ginger ale, and a Brita pitcher of water. Oh, and there are those blocks of cheese. If it wasn’t for cheese I think I’d starve to death. So I guess that’s something.

My freezer is an even sadder story: paltry amounts of frozen vegetables, chicken fingers, old bananas [I freeze them when they’re overripe, then later thaw them for use in banana bread], four kinds of coffee grounds, rainbow sherbet, some homemade crepes and pancakes from April [I make a big batch then freeze the rest], birthday cake from March, and Thanksgiving leftovers in the form of a small container of mashed and sweet potatoes and a gallon-sized bag of turkey pickings. I am not even sure why I brought that home. There is also a bit of breakfast sausage and some tomato sauce my mom made, so I pulled those two to the fridge to thaw. Maybe I can eat them with something from the pantry…

The pantry is usually the well-stocked, but lately it’s been pretty pathetic, too: pasta [elbow macaroni, spaghetti, ziti, and some strange colored fancy kind that I got from Marshall’s – yes, Marshall’s, the clothing & accessory store – they have fancy kitchen stuff, too], jasmine rice [it has moved from the nasty,
maggot-infested lower kitchen cabinet to the pantry], various flavors of oatmeal, a few canned vegetables, some fruit preserves, baking basics [flour, sugar, baking powder, chocolate chips], couscous, bouillon cubes, tea, half a sleeve of Ritz crackers, and a couple Campbell’s soups.

Saddest part: I’m too broke to visit the grocery store. Well, I guess I could visit…you know, just walk around, with a sad face, thinking, ‘Hello, fresh produce! Apples, how are ya? Lookin’ good, French bread. Deli meat, what’s happening! Maybe next week we can hang out…but I can’t bring you home today.’

I am going to have to pull out the creativity to make a meal of any of this. Even watching Rachel Ray on Food Network doesn’t help…it just makes me hungry, then depressed when I think of my empty fridge.

Sigh.