I have come to realize that:
- Men are shallow, terrible creatures.
- I can’t be friends with them.
- They piss me off. All of them.
- I can’t have friendships with men like I have with women because they fucking suck and are incapable of having deep, meaningful connections.**
- Everything they say is wrong, stupid, or both.
- You can only count on them to let you down.
- They make you feel like an idiot for having feelings.
- They are really only good for one thing. And most of the time that isn’t even worth it. I can stay home with my hot pink vibrator and not have to worry about some dude getting jizz on my sheets. Or having to fake an orgasm.
So now that I’m utterly exhausted from hating so much, I’m going to pull up my Hulu queue and hope to God that last week’s episode of The Office is funny as shit. Then I’m passing out. Maybe a solid eight will de-funk me and I’ll be better in the morning.
I pray this is the case. I don’t like being this way, but recent events [one right after another right after another] have left me no room for not going insane.
FUCK DUDES.
**This applies to all men, except maybe you, Justin. But we both know you’re much more like a woman than a man. And I mean that as a compliment. You’re also like a brother to me, and family gets exemptions.
